File This Under GTFO

June 18, 2009

by T. Troy Stewart

PETA calls out Obama for killing a fly

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I can’t make s*it like this up. The Al Sharpton of activists groups is at it…again. This time, they’re calling out the President himself for dealing with a pesky housefly “The Chicago Way”:

“You buzz the President Of The United States, you gotta go.”

But these glorified ambulance/free pub chasers swooped in and started their ol’ whine n’ cry routine:

Peta spokesman Bruce Friedrich said: “We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals. We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals.”

Cue The Carpenters:

Oh, shut up, PETA. The President took out a frackin’ fly, he didn’t go out a club a baby seal

"Boy, some PETA to block would sure be good right about now"

I see what the “problem” is, the President trashed talked about it afterwards. He should have just pounded it and kept it moving like Dirk Nowitzki did:

I swear, you PETA assholes would probably get more respect if you didn’t spend so much time trying to work your way into high profile situations. I know that there’s a puppy mill out there that sure could use an assist from you fuc*ers, go handle that and quit fuc*in’ with people about killing a damn house fly, you puss-es.

Speaking of puppy mills, you have to bet that Mike Vick screamed out “OH COME ON” when NFL player Donte’ Stallworth got only 30 days for killing a man by hitting him with his car that he was driving while tipsy.

Stallworth, 28, received the sentence after pleading guilty to a DUI manslaughter charge for striking and killing Mario Reyes while driving drunk March 14 in his black 2005 Bentley. The athlete also reached a confidential financial settlement with the family of the 59-year-old construction worker.

Without the plea deal, the DUI manslaughter conviction could have netted Stallworth 15 years in prison. After his release from jail, he must serve two years of house arrest and spend eight years on probation. The house arrest provisions will allow him to resume his football career, his attorney said.

Whoa. That’s deep. Every black man on the planet probably asked the same question: “Who is this new Johnny Cochran?”

Stallworth with his mother and lawyer Christopher "If The Car Didn't Intentially Hit, You Must Plea Bargain It" Lyons

Stallworth’s attorney, Christopher Lyons, said the financial settlement was only one factor in the plea agreement. He noted that Stallworth stopped immediately after the accident, called 911 and submitted to roadside alcohol testing despite spending most of the night drinking at a swanky Miami Beach hotel.

After a night drinking at a bar in Miami Beach’s Fountainebleau hotel, police said Stallworth hit Reyes, a construction crane operator who was rushing to catch a bus after finishing his shift around 7:15 a.m. Stallworth told police he flashed his lights in an attempt to warn Reyes, who was not in a crosswalk when he was struck.

Stallworth had a blood-alcohol level of .126 after the crash, well above Florida’s .08 limit. Stallworth stopped after the crash and immediately told officers he had hit Reyes. Police estimated Stallworth was driving about 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.

“He acted like a man,” Lyons said. “He remained at the scene. He cooperated fully.”

You tell’em, son! That’s some mighty fine lawyerball you playin’ there, boy!

Miami-Dade State Attorney Katherine Fernandez Rundle echoed Lyons in citing Stallworth’s lack of previous criminal record, cooperation and willingness to accept responsibility as factors in the plea deal. Rundle also said the Reyes family—particularly the victim’s 15-year-old daughter—wanted the case resolved to avoid any more pain.

“For all of these reasons, a just resolution of this case has been reached,” Rundle said.

Now OJ sitting in jail, mad when he probably could have plea bargained his way out of some jail time had he had Christopher Lyons for his lawyer.

Seriously, this is just another example of how the green:

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