Comedian Jay Mohr Calls Michelle Obama A Man

The First Lady & The Chicken Of The Sea

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

“Comedian Jay Mohr cracked jokes on the President and, especially, The First Lady, today:

Michelle Obama – that is a big dude. When Barack plays pick up games at the White House, you know he picks Michelle as his forward, maybe his [center] depending on who’s in Congress that day.

That has to be like being married to Elton Brand. She is a big dude. I like when she put her arm around the Queen of England – and she put her in a headlock and said, “I’ve been waiting 200 years to put my arms around you lady.”

I like how she shaved off her eyebrows, and then drew them back way to high – and in an arch – and then way back down, so she always looks super surprised. Michelle Obama kind of looks like the Count on Sesame Street. One … Ha Ha … One Black President … Ha Ha.

What a year. The Cardinals make the Super Bowl, the Rockies make the World Series, and the President smokes Newports.

Who’s wife is he calling a dude? Oh, he said this during The Jim Rome Show’s Annual Smack-Off.

It was all supposed to be in jest. It had to be because if he was actually serious, he would have got shut down when the discussion turned to his wife, a catfish with tits!

Nikki Carp Cox (look at her mouth!  Look close enough you will see the hook from the fishing line that Jay caught her with) used to be engaged to Bobcat Goldthwait (or however you spell it) who she met on her sitcom turned her real life misery, UNHAPPILY EVER AFTER, when he was the voice of the imaginary talking puppet that the dad only saw and talked to….I ain’t making that up. So she’s used to dealing with old tired assed hack comedians.

She didn’t look this tore up before she got with Jay’s lame ass. He’s worse on his women than George Bush, Sr. Damn.

But I can’t put that all on Jay, she was on Las Vegas before they ran her off of there when that spell that transformed her from the biggest fish in Buttahattchie Pond started to wear off and she couldn’t afford to pay the witch who cast the spell full price to keep her looking fully human anymore.

As for the Newport cigarettes diss, I can’t even go off on him on that one

It’s so wrong to stereotype, you know? I know I would get mad if somebody suggested by looking at that map that all the southern states should name their state bird the fried chicken or their state flower, crack. Although I did find out what “Nigger Cigarettes” were when I lived down South.

When I was a “yute”, I had a job as a convenience store clerk in Mississippi.

One day, I was finishing my shift and the other clerk, a nice older lady, was in and, as we were supposed to do, we would take inventory of things that were sold and/or stolen and replenish the stock.

I was counting out my register and she was counting cigarettes when she said, “Boy, we sure did go through a lot of “nigger cigarettes” last night.”

Well, had she had the map, she would have known that she was in “nigger territory” and the odds that she would be making a comment to someone that was of the “nigger” persuasion was pretty damn good.

I stopped counting and turned around and I have never seen anybody so red-faced in my life (see, I didn’t even make a Jay Silverheels joke right there, I could have, but I showed restraint.)

Red Face? Red Face deez nutz, son!

I wasn’t mad because, well, duh, this is America, n-word my ass, it’s nigger nigger nigger NIIIIIGER all the lived long day, who we kidding? No, not mad, I was curious because, to be honest, I didn’t have a f*ckin’ clue as to what she was talking about.

“What’s “nigger cigarettes”, I asked.

“You know, menthol cigarettes.” You know? How was I supposed to know that, thru nigger osmosis? So, I ask her “Why you call them that?”

Now she’s annoyed with me because, oblivious to me, I’m not following the Geneva Convention Rules Of What Happens When You Say Nigger In Close Proximity Of A…you know, Nigger.

“You’ve been here almost a year,” she says, “when was the last time you sold a pack of anything to a white person?”

Yeah, like I keep a running tally of this shit in my head as if it will come up as a question on Jeopardy™:

“The final Jeopardy answer is: Menthol Cigarettes are something that is not smoked by them. What is White People, Alex?”

But now she had me thinking so I started my own survey. I went home and checked out the smokers in the house.

Mom

Step Dad

Then I observed other family members

Uncle #1 and 2 and Grandpa

Aunt #1

Aunt #2

This was getting ridiculous. For a week at the store and everywhere I went, I watched what kind of cigarettes everyone smoked. And for a week, I’ll be damned if that lady wasn’t right, it seemed like every black person in the tri-state area smoked menthol cigarettes! Hell, then I started seeing ads devoted to the black man’s love for the soothing coolness of the menthol everywhere:

Was it a damn conspiracy or something? Years later, as I would find out, it turns out that it was.

That would have been a good IN YOUR FACE to Ms. Know-It-All Racist back in 1987 but alas, ’twas not to be.

Another week had past and it was all menthol. Hell, I almost started smoking Newports to get some of that “pleasure” they were dipping them cancer sticks in.

Then it happened.

I was working the graveyard shift, it was a Friday. I was alone in the store when one of the guys I went to high school with, a white guy, came in and asked for a pack of “Marlboro Lights…Menthol.”

I know my mouth dropped open, I just know it did.

I was feeling vindication, now! “See,” I thought to myself, “menthols aren’t just for black folks, anymore!” Yes! Scoreboard! USA! USA! USA! A white man bought a pack of menthol cigarettes!

So I grab a pack of the cigarettes and hand them to my good man and make with the small talk.

“How long you been smoking those?”

“Oh, I don’t smoke menthols.”

“What?”

“Naw, these ain’t for me, these are for your brother, he’s out in the car”

I looked outside and, sure enough, there was my brother in the passenger seat of the car, waving. Son of a bitch. Not my brother, the situation…why am I explaining that?

Anyway…

As the guy took the cigarettes and walked out the store, he laughed as he said to me, “Man, you know us honkies don’t smoke menthol cigarettes, IT’S A BLACK THANG.”

Not only did I find out that black people mostly smoked menthol cigarettes, the first time I ever heard “IT’S A BLACK THANG”, a white guy said it.

You just gotta love how diverse America is when it’s not trying so hard to be polticially correct.

oh shut up, Boris