...Comments & Observations on Pop Culture, Politics and just about everything else...not Brett Favre, except to say, "Go away already, dude, seriously! Go play in traffic or something!"
R&B R. Kelly is preparing to enter into a media realm. As reported elsewhere, R. Kelly will be preparing to write his memoirs. In a blockbuster Chubby Afro/Shut’cher Gobbige Mowf EXCLUSIVE, we have acquired leaked first drafts of some of this explosive tome.
R. Kelly (born Robert Sylvester Kelly) begins by telling the world what drew him to the cut-throat, lucrative, and intense business of being an entertainer:
Kelz and his humble beginnings
Very telling. Very telling.
In this yet-untitled memoir, Kelly also explains the creative process behind his hit R&B opera, “Trapped In The Closet, Parts 1 through Infinity”:
Kelly details the intense creative process behind "Trapped In The Closet"
The piece-de-resistance of the leaked excerpts is next. Finally free to speak his mind about the child pornography charges that have dogged him for years, Kelly uses his memoir to express exactly how that infamous night went down. Kelly breaking his silence on this issue is incredible. Simply incredible:
R. Kelly finally breaks his silence on the charges that he faced.
We expect that this memoir will set the literary world aflame.
Stay tuned, as we may have more exclusive excerpts in the near future.
As the Monday Morning Quarterbacking/Fingerpoint/Youdiditnoyoudidit accusations, lies and/or truths behind the horrible executions of four Washington state police officers begin in earnest now that the alleged suspect, Maurice Clemmons (aka Mike Huckabee’s Willie Horton) has been found dead (or sent on his way to Hell with some assistance, hey, we’re in a recession and I’m always down for saving the taxpayer’s hard earned cash), this caught my attention:
Clemmons had stayed on the run for nearly two days with help from a network of friends and family who gave him places to stay, medical aid, rides and money, police said. On Monday, officers detained a sister of Clemmons who they think treated the 37-year-old suspect’s gunshot wound.
“We believe she drove him up to Seattle and bandaged him up,”
Say what now? Aww, comeon, really? What the? Somebody been watching THE WIRE, too much.
Who can that be knockin' at my door? Go away, don't bother me no more!
Let me get this straight; some dude I know/or am related to, just killed four police officers in cold blood comes knocking on my door looking for sanctuary like I’m the Catholic Church? Saying “you can’t stay here” is putting it mildly. I don’t give a flying f*ck off a high dive if you’re my Mom, you do as much as jaywalk, I’m looking at you like you’re crazy, you kill four human beings, “sorry, Mom, but you gotta go. You’re going down, lady.”
Aww hell naw! Cousin Maurice wouldn’t have gotten as much as a band aid from me. GET THE F*CK OUTTA HERE is what he would have got. I can’t do nuttin’ for you, man. I can’t be around anybody bad like you, I don’t even want to be around kids who break their toys, why the f*ck do you think I would want a career criminal like you in my country, nevermind my family. I am loyal to my family but I ain’t a fool. You f*cks to this magnitude, lose my number, don’t be up in the courtroom calling my name because I will straight disown you.
And before some jackass over at Fox News starts up with the gangsta rap connection and the code of the streets nonsense;
don’t tell me s*it about “don’t snitch”, “be true to the game” and “keepin’ it real”.
Let me tell you something, 90% of Black America isn’t on that bulls*it, okay? We want the same s*it that the rest of America wants, a good job, a nice house, food on the table, clothes on our backs, our sons to be good boys and our daughters not bring home Tracy Morgan.
We don’t want no f*ckin’ trouble, bottom line. Maurice Clemmons was trouble and he was troooooble for a looooong time. Most of Black America would have been wrote this dude off back in the 20th Century. I don’t know anyone who would have done anything short of calling S.W.A.T. on Cousin Maurice had he come a-knocking on their door whining “yo, man, I’ve been shot”. Take your ass to the hospital, then and stop getting blood on my welcome mat, bye!
I hope that the “network of friends and family” who helped keep this dead jackass on the run for two days are all found out and thrown in jail for that bullsh*t.
I blame rap music (as usual):
Dumb asses.
101 Pop Culture Signs O’ The Apocalypse #Cha-ching!/Diablo Cody’s SWEET VALLEY HIGH
...get yo' minds out the gutter, these are good girls...unfortunately.
from USA TODAYs POP CANDY blog:
- Diablo Cody is in talks to adapt the Sweet Valley High books for the big screen.
The books centred on the lives of identical twins Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield, who live in the fictional town of Sweet Valley, California, and attend the local high school. More than 150 titles were published featuring Jessica, the more flighty of the sisters, and Elizabeth, the practical one, who usually had to save the day when one of her sibling’s fanciful schemes went awry.
Cody is said to have grown up reading the books, which were conceived by Francine Pascal in 1983 and written by an army of ghostwriters over the next two decades. While wildly popular, the books have been criticised for their unrealistic treatment of teenage girls’ lives. Not only were both twins faultlessly beautiful, but Jessica suffered the deaths of five boyfriends over the course of the series, while Elizabeth fell in love with a Parisian prince and an English viscount.
First thought: “Wow, those books sound like some old chick’s vicarious I-wish-I-was-a-horny-teen-aged wet-dreamed up, sh*t.”
JUNO, THE UNITED STATES OF TARA, JENNIFER’S BODY and SWEET VALLEY HIGH? What? No big screen treatment of JEM (She’s truly outrageous?)
This reeks of cash grab. However, I can’t hate on el Diablo for getting paid to make that hot garbage into a movie. We all have our childhood pop-culture loves and if some dumb Hollywood fool was going to throw me a boatload of cash to make one of mine a movie, you got damn right I’m making GENE, GENE THE DANCING MACHINE: THE MOVIE!
I remember the SWEET VALLEY HIGH TV show from the early 90s. Actually, all I really remember is that the twins (left) were hot and now, I realize that was my first Dirty Old Judge Joe Brown (below)
You go, Joe!
moment. Anyway, one of the twins was sluttier (is that a word?) than the other, is there any other way to be?
Much, much sluttier…
Oh, look, stripper pols and role-playing, too?
And currently, in what has to be David Duke’s worst nightmare, The bad twin is currently getting busy with the creator of that other early 90s hit show, IN LIVING COLOR
Cast her as the mom of somebody in the movie, TODAY. And Diablo Cody is going to be involved in a big screen version of this?
I’ve just convinced myself that this might wind up being the greatest movie of all time.
The only thing greater than Sarah Silverman’s porn mustache…
…was her fat girl homecoming queen/bride’s maid gear she wore to the show. Say what you want about her but the bitch brings the funny. I heart you, Sarah Silverman.
Is it me or does Justin Timberlake take over EVERY TV show he appears on? He’s become the TV equivalent of being Rick-Rolled.
“Don’t look now, sucka, you been Justin-fied!” I like the guy and hell, he did deserve the Emmy he won for guest hosting Saturday Night Live. He was on there so much, they should have just skipped the middleman and made him a regular cast member. So s*it or get off the pot already, SNL, make the dude a regular so he will have one place to go on a weekly basis. Speaking of over kill:
Let’s pray that there will be no more Kanye’s interrupts jokes for a while, at least until 30 ROCK or LAW & ORDER works it into their shows.
For the record, Kanye did show up at the Emmys a couple of years ago, milking one of his earlier outbursts that he parlayed for free publicity:
Is it me or does Kanye take over EVERY TV show he appears on? He’s even pulled the Justin-fied on SNL:
At this point, he’s about as frequent in his outbursts as Lyme Tick disease outbreaks.
SNL, make Kanye a regular cast member, too. Give him a place where he can work off his crazy on a weekly basis, before he winds up causing World War III or something.
One of my favorite shows, MAD MEN, won a second Emmy in a row for best drama and now the world is ready to jump on the bandwagon. And by “the world” I mean Oprah. Once she and her Soccer Mom Army gets on board, it’s all over for the “underground success” and hello stupid tabloid coverage.
According to the New York Times:
Has the pop-cultural universe just collapsed on itself? The picture you see above is not a Photoshop trick — it’s a scene from a coming episode of “The Oprah Winfrey Show” in which Ms. Winfrey (arguably the most powerful force in daytime television) meets Jon Hamm and January Jones of “Mad Men” (arguably the most popular television series in our minds).
AMC tells us that on Monday, Ms. Winfrey will broadcast a special episode called “The Oprah Winfrey Show: Oprah Goes Back in Time – The ’60s,” which will feature a 1960s themed set; appearances by Mr. Hamm and Ms. Jones; a performance from “Jersey Boys,” the Four Seasons musical; and a studio audience dressed in period costumes. (Ms. Winfrey is also getting in on the act with an outfit designed by the “Mad Men” costume designer Janie Bryant.)
Yes, even the “Favorite Things” segment will feature what would have been Ms. Winfrey’s favorite items from the 1960s, which we assume will include Utz potato chips, Patio diet soda and salt to put on her ice cream.
This is usually the point when I rip Oprah a new one for her blissful ignoring of certain things like
- how her ass wouldn’t have been able to afford 60s designer gear
- the only way if she would have been up on stage at a televison station if she was mopping it after hours
- or not having some damn Motown represented on the show.
Tell her, Nina!
BUT, this time, I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and wait until after the show to diss her.
Maybe the almighty O will have Deborah Lacey, who plays Carla The Maid, on the show to talk about her role AND, most importantly, tell about how her mother was a maid in the 1960s for Bob Denver aka Gilligan of Gilligan Island(!) Say wha? Gilligan had a domestic? Boy, those episodes of the that show would have taken on a whole new meaning if he had one on that island.
I ain't your skipper, sucka and I ain't gonna make you no coconut cream pie either!
Jay-Z may have killed Auto-tune, Jimmy Fallon shut the coffin and buried that bad boy once and for all last night:
...awww sweetie, we have to go to New Jersey to get you a book to read.
NOTE: I was exaggerating about there being more crackhouses in Philadelphia than libraries. There are 3 more libraries in the city than crackhouses.
The past few days, America’s been in a heart-felt swoon over the tender Dad/Daughter moment captured forever on camera when the little girl tossed a foul ball Dad caught at Philadelphia Phillies baseball game back.
I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a sweet story, the world doesn’t get enough of this kind of stuff…
Okay, Awww Time over, let’s get back to basics.
The sweet Philly Dad/Daughter story has gotten far more play than something that I’ve been totally disgusted about since I first heard about it earlier this week, the threatened closing of every library in the city of Philadelphia. I didn’t stutter. Every.Library.In.The.City. Ben “The Man-Whore” Franklin has got to be spinning in his grave over this.
The following is the text of the notice posted by the Free Library:
All Free Library of Philadelphia Branch, Regional and Central Libraries Closed Effective Close of Business October 2, 2009
All Free Library of Philadelphia Customers,
We deeply regret to inform you that without the necessary budgetary legislation by the State Legislature in Harrisburg, the City of Philadelphia will not have the funds to operate our neighborhood branch libraries, regional libraries, or the Parkway Central Library after October 2, 2009.
Specifically, the following will take effect after the close of business, October 2, 2009:
All branch and regional library programs, including programs for children and teens, after school programs, computer classes, and programs for adults, will be cancelled
All Parkway Central Library programs, including children programs, programs to support small businesses and job seekers, computer classes and after school programs, will be cancelled. We are exploring the possibility of relocating the Philadelphia Author Series programs to other non-library facilities.
All library visits to schools, day care centers, senior centers and other community centers will cease.
All community meetings at our branch and regional libraries, and the Parkway Central Library, will be cancelled.
All GED, ABE and ESL programs held at Free Library branches will be discontinued, students should contact their teacher to see if other arrangements are being made.
In addition, all library materials will be due on October 1, 2009. This will result in a diminishing borrowing period for books and other library materials, beginning September 11, 2009. No library materials will be able to be borrowed after September 30, 2009.
Even as we remain hopeful that the State Legislature will act and pass the enabling funding legislation, we wanted to notify all of our customers of this very possible outcome. If you have any questions about impacts to Free Library services, call 215-686-5322, or visit the Free Library of Philadelphia website at www.freelibrary.org. If you have questions about changes to City services, or if you want to be kept informed about this situation, we encourage you to contact Philly 311 by calling 3-1-1 between the hours of 8am and 8 pm Monday-Friday, and 9am-5pm Saturdays, e-mail philly311@phila.gov, or visit the City of Philadelphia website at http://www.phila.gov.
We thank you for your understanding, patience, and continued support of the Free Library of Philadelphia during these difficult times.
Siobhan Reardon, President and Director, Free Library of Philadelphia
That’s most digusting thing I’ve heard since FLAVOR OF LOVE got the renewed for a second season.
Reading is funk-a-mental, yeah, boyeeeeee!
But, wait, it’s gets worse:
Besides closing libraries, the (Philadephia mayor, Michael) Nutter administration’s so-called Plan C doomsday budget includes eliminating court-system funding, shutting down all recreation centers and laying off up to 3,000 workers, including police and firefighters.
Layoff notices could go out on Friday if the Legislature does not approve the city’s request for a temporary sales-tax hike and a two-year deferral of payments into the pension fund.
Is it just me or does all this dumb s*it sound like an episode of IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA? (The Gang Gets Frank Elected Mayor & He Almost Instantly Runs The City Into The Ground)
...that reminds me, the 4th season of this great show begins TONIGHT! There's irony for yo' ass.
How did it come to this? Why does it seem the city of Philadelphia’s powers-that-be-doing-something-what-I-don’t-know have said “Fu*k it! Let’s get out of here and let the Barksdale and Stansfield fight it out and the winner take over this dump”? (Why am I making references to THE WIRE, a show that didn’t even take place in Philly? Bear with me, kids, ol’ Unca T. Troy will reveal all shortly)
I know that the financial crisis is the favorite excuse but this mess sounds like there were issues in this town long before it got bad everywhere. Plus, I know the city is getting a good chunk of that Government Stimulus caysh. So what’s really going on?
It doesn’t help when you have mayors who are more interested in standing in line to be the first to get a IPhone or throwing a screening party for THE WIRE (see picture below of some of the show’s cast with one of their biggest fans, the goofball mayor dude in the center…see, I told you I would explain all) not because of anything remotely having to do with anything moral (it was a show where the main focus was on crime, corruption and more crime) or the city (the show was set in Baltimore, for crying out loud) but because the Mayor “was a huge fan”. (Plans to have Cylons come to city hall to screen the last episode of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA were cancelled because that would have just been silly)
Where’s Stringer Bell when you really need him?
So now the plan is to threaten to do the unthinkable and hope that somebody blinks and gives them the money they want to pay the bills until the next time the city has f*cked up the budget and needs to make more threats.
Next time, threaten to close the orphanages and sell the kids into slavery in China or get really gangsta and say that you have no choice but to name Philadelphia Eagle Micheal Vick the head of the Philadelphia Animal Welfare Society (PAWS). You’d then get so much money, you wouldn’t have to worry about the city’s budget for the next 200 years…at least.
CHECK THIS OUT:
#savephillylibraries on Twitter
The Free Libraries Of Philadelphia website
The City Of Philadelphia Facebook Page (I ain’t saying it would be right to bum rush the page and tell the mayor and his flunkies what you think of even threatening to close up the libraries…but I’d understand)
It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia FX website
UPDATE: a few hours after I posted this, the Pennsylvania state senate passed a bill that would save all the jobs and the libraries that were being threatened in Philadelphia. You’re welcome, Philadelphia. Now do the right thing and get a mayor in that town who won’t hold threaten to throw public services under the bus with the quickness and find some actual solutions to why your city government is such a clusterf*ck.
Jesus on the mainline, it’s twice as bad as I remembered. Berry Gordy, how could you?
“The president is not only the head of government, he is the head of state,” he said. “And no matter who he is or how much we disagree with his policies, the president should be treated with respect.”–Former President Jimmy Carter
Now if Jimmy Carter is pulling the race card, hey, I’m just saying, you can betcha by golly-wow that nobody knows racism better than a former governor of a state where part of the “Trail Of Tears” began.
Tough luck, Cherokee. But don't worry, the white man will take care of your land while you die. Bu-bye, now.
Or, more recently, like this week (White Man Punches Black Woman In The Face Outside Of A Cracker Barrel Restaurant In Georgia)
Boy, America, we are collectively tripping even harder than usual this week starting with Serena Williams wanting to jam a tennis ball down a line judge’s throat to the Cracker Barrel Beat Down. Sheesh. Chill the f*ck out already!
Check out Jimmy laying the smack down below.
Now there’s audio of the President calling Kanye a “jackass”. What’s next, footage of the Prez toilet paper preference? Somewhere in all the dilly-dally, there’s an official “I’m sowwy” from the tool over at ABC who started all of this by hitting up Twitter with the “scoop” and totally “forgetting” what “off the record means”. It’s already a looong four years, Mr. President and we’re barely past the half way mark of year one.
Denmark officials pulled the video above off YouTube after complaints that, well, it made it seem like Denmark is the Land Of The One Night Stands & Frivolous Skanks. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that)
Denmark, Detroit says, it could be worse…
Much worse.
…beware the Ides Of September…
I must have seen about 25 mostly simular variations on this very joke since yesterday afternoon. Y’all can stop telling it now. Yeah, it was funny but between Facebook and Twitter, man, everybody’s done heard it within 10 minutes of the first time you said it.
Speaking of Kanye, that bastion of morals, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY (yeah, I’m being sarcastic) ponders if Jay Leno went too far when he asked Kanye what would his late mother would have said about his act-a-drunken-fool moment at Taylor “Tay-Tay” Swift’s expense at the VMAs the other night. If Kanye’s mom was anything like my moms (hell, practically anybody’s mom, including Tay-Tay’s) she would have ripped into him like it was Shark Week:
“Go sit your black ass down somewhere because I didn’t raise no damn disrespectful idiot. You acting even worse than your cousins from Tampa when they stole those pork ribs right off the grill at the family reunion that time…yes, you acting ghetto as hell, boy! And, while I’m here, when you getting married, huh? And what’s the deal with that heffa you be hanging out with lately?
Stand down, Gladys, I got this…Is her mama still alive? What’s wrong with her eyes? She look like a stunt double from Salem’s Lot.
Everytime I see you two, you either going in or coming out of a department store. That girl is like fixing an air conditioner in the penthouse suite in Trump Tower, high maintenance, boy. You need all the money you can get to keep that bedussy on your arm and you gonna go messing that up by running up on a white teenager on national TV. Is you crazy? Fool, you had me sweating worse than the last hot link in Al Sharpton’s refrigerator. We done over come but we ain’t over that much you can bum rush some teenaged country singer like that. I don’t care how drunk you was, you ain’t never too drunk to get your ass hung.”
Okay, you get the point.
I guess now West is going to take time off to put his ish together. Whatever.
Kanye, dude, do us all a favor, stop blaming your moms dying for you acting a fool so much, you were doing some of that ish before she past away and until folks started booin’ dat ass, you were cool with running around doing stupid s*it and being a silly dick.
I recall when Prince was doing his trippin’ back in the day and doing dumb s*it like becoming THE ARTIST FORMALLY KNOWN AS PRINCE.
That lasted until THE CHECKING ACCOUNT FORMALLY KNOWN AS FULL. It’s amazing how quick folks will get with the program once them wallets start taking hits. All that booing and hissing at Kanye got his ass now wanting to chill for a sec. Indeed. That’ll do, pig, that’ll do.
Same dress, huh. Who wore it better? Well…Hips Don’t Lie. All jokes aside, somebody’s stylist is going to die for not running a check to see who was wearing what.
Congress is debating whether Joe Wilson should be “scolded” for loud talking the President Of The United States last week.
*sidebar* When does “off the record” not mean “off the record”? When you’re the President Of The United States, silly!
The President called the rapper (Kanye West) “a jackass” in an off-the-record comment during a CNBC interview yesterday, but the comment became public when it was tweeted by ABC’s Terry Moran on Twitter, Politico.com reported Monday night.
An ABC statement explains: “ABC News employees prematurely tweeted a portion of those remarks that turned out to be from an off-the-record portion of the interview.”
Back to Massa Joe Wilson; I don’t know what’s to debate, he needs more than a “stern” talking to. I know some folks who could give a proper attitude adjustment:
Boo-yah.
Finally, the trailer of my favorite Patrick Swayze movie (no it isn’t TO WONG FOO, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING! JULIE NEWMAR not that there’s anything wrong with that…)
Dude, how could you be so heartless? (Sorry, I couldn’t resist)
Last night, the only time I turned away from the stankbomb that was Jay Cutler’s debut with my beloved Chicago Bears (Da Bears!) I turned to the MTV VMAs and this is what I stumbled into:
Sigh. How bad was this latest “kanyemoment”?
“Congrats @taylorswift13 on your VMA!!! You deserve it more than anyone!! I saw the devil in action when Kanye west stole your mic! U rock!!! @taylorswift13 don’t let that evil steal your thunder!!!!! This is your big night!!”–Heidi Montag
“Tator Tot, you handled yourself with Grace. Kanye, go grow some f-ing balls, bi—! don’t mess w/my lil sis!!”–Kellie Pickler
You know you done f*cked up when you can’t even crack a joke at Kellie Pickler and Heidi Montag for taking time out of their sucking and blowing to diss you.
Anyway, never mind with all of that “outrage”. Kanye says he sowwy:
“I’M SOOOOO SORRY TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER FANS AND HER MOM. I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER RIGHT AFTER AND SHE SAID THE SAME THING MY MOTHER WOULD’VE SAID. SHE IS VERY TALENTED! I LIKE THE LYRICS ABOUT BEING A CHEERLEADER AND SHE’S IN THE BLEACHERS! …………………… I’M IN THE WRONG FOR GOING ON STAGE AND TAKING AWAY FROM HER MOMENT!…………….. BEYONCE’S VIDEO WAS THE BEST OF THIS DECADE!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FANS IF I LET YOU GUYS DOWN!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FRIENDS AT MTV. I WILL APOLOGIZE TO TAYLOR 2MRW. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!! EVERYBODY WANNA BOOOOO ME BUT I’M A FAN OF REAL POP CULTURE!!! NO DISRESPECT BUT WE WATCHIN’ THE SHOW AT THE CRIB RIGHT NOW CAUSE … WELL YOU KNOW!!!! I’M STILL HAPPY FOR TAYLOR!!!! BOOOYAAAWWWW!!!! YOU ARE VERY VERY TALENTED!!! I GAVE MY AWARDS TO OUTKAST WHEN THEY DESERVED IT OVER ME… THAT’S WHAT IT IS!!!!!!! I’M NOT CRAZY YALL, I’M JUST REAL. SORRY FOR THAT!!! I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR TAYLOR AND I’M SINCERELY SORRY!!! MUCH RESPECT!!!!!”
Crazy as cats*it on the ceiling.
Anyway, this is a win for everybody, including dumb arsed Kanye.
- Taylor Swift-How many people know this kid today compared to yesterday? How many of those people will hit up AmazonMP3, ITunes and/or check out her video for the song she won best video for, YOU BELONG TO ME? I checked out the video and it’s not a bad song at all and the video reminded me of the movie LOVE & BASKETBALL. Yes, it sucked mightily to have your moment of victory tainted by a “Taint” (medical term: perineum, look it up if you don’t know what that is but I’d suggest you wait ’til you get home because it’s more than likely gonna be NSFW) but don’t cry for lil’ Taylor, her popularity and, most importantly, her checking account is gonna be so phat from this mess that AIG will be trying to get at her for a loan. Besides, when you get dissed by a black man, girl, you instantly get symphathic hood status with the sistas because “they understand, gurl, they understand!”
- Beyonce– classy move calling Tay-Tay (official hood nickname) up to finish her speech before she was so rudely interrupted. And how conquincidental that Tay-Tay & Beyo were matching in their red dresses?
If I was these two, I would be heading to the studio to do a duet ASAP to caysh in on this “drama” before somebody else does something stupid:
D'oh! WTF is going on? Aww, but, at least, she's wearing red, too.
- Twitter–2 seconds after this all jumped off, everybody and their Moms was tweetin’ their digust. Between Twitter and TMZ, who needs crap like MSNBC or Fox News?
- Serena Williams–
if it wasn’t for Kanye, all everyone would be talking about today was how “Serena was gonna choke a bitch”. - Kanye & MTV–for those of you who are demanding that Kanye gets thrown into the trunk of a car
and beaten with a shovel, slow down. You don’t think that MTV wouldn’t have shut this Boo Boo The Fool down years ago if they thought he was such a problem? Kanye’s crazier than Joe Wilson on a good day but he sells papers and gets the entire nation to ignore resessions and Middle East wars and talking the next day about how insane he is. 
It’s only a matter of time now before MTV locks up this cooky bastard in a Diddy type deal and let him and Amber spit out as much crazy as they want instead of sending him to re-hab where he really belongs. I shouldn’t say that dude is crazy because he knows who he can pull crap like this on. Yeah, Kanye, youse a big man, bum rushing a skinny teenaged country singer, I betcha you wouldn’t try that on somebody who would kick.that.ass. Where’s the Boo-Yaa Tribe when you really need’em?
Please try to run up and diss Boo-Yaa Tribe, Kanye...please????
The only real losers in all of this is We, The People for constantly allowing ourselves to be bamboozled/sucked in by chumps like Kanye, thinking that they are more than the glorified karaoke singers that they are.
Oh, and Michael Jackson takes an “L” because, once again, a tribute to the King Of Pop was ruined by some “dumb nigg@ sh*t”.
Signs Of The Fall #1--Groups of pretty young folks with the cold dead eyes taking group shots start appearing everywhere
The new television season is upon us.
How do I know? By the time it starts, I’ve long since forgotten that BIG BROTHER is still even on the air until the next summer when I always think to myself, when I see the first promo of the year for BB, “Wow, BIG BROTHER is still on the air?”
Yes, it’s the new television season and I thought that I would just give some reviews that absolutely no one asked for on some of the programming that I’ll be watching.
I didn’t plan on doing this for another week but, last night, I was faced with a dilemma of watching that swarmy chunky bastard, Lunkhead Luke The Puke (left) on MORE TO LOVE toss out gag-o-matic mack-daddy lines to women who, regardless of weight and/or appearance,
I'm The Juggernaut, Bitch...
can do MUCH better than that summabitch OR I could check out the remake of MELROSE PLACE on the Colored Where? CW. Turns out the choice was like deciding what’s “better”, a heart attack or finding out that your mother’s gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
Back in the day, MELROSE PLACE was supposed to be the “cooler” twentysomething version of 90210.
What it actually was, however, was B-O-R-I-N-G. It managed to make California look like one pretty f*cking lame place to be. Pretty young people, talking about some tired old boolshyt. Then towards the end of that bland first season, somebody said “the hell with this s*it”, brought in Heather Locklear, let her unleash her inner chickenhead, turned Dr. Mancini (Thomas Calabro) into a tramp stamp looking for a back, threw that goodie-goodie storyline into the garbage and the rest is over-the-top nighttime soap opera history. Good times, good times. But that was then and the show had a good run and then it was done, forever. Yeah, right. It’s obviously easier to remake something in TVAmerica than it is to hire somebody to create something, so after the 90210 remix, allegedly didn’t suck, we all should have expected that a MP revamp was coming and braced ourselves.
I wasn’t expecting MASTERPIECE THEATRE and when I found out that Ashlee Simpson was a part of the new cast in the role of the “new girl in town” (must.resist.plastic.surgury.jokes.must.resist), I yawned, scratched my ass and kept it moving. Nothing to see here. Yet, instead of paying attention to my instincts, I was willing to give the show the benefit of the doubt.
Holy Mother Of Jesus, that’s the last time I do that.
This show is B-A-D. As I said last night on Twitter:
“wow, the MELROSE PLACE remake is bad, Spenser & Heidi on Soul Train bad”
Speaking of which, that’s what this show reminds me of someone who watched Melrose Place as a kid, when they were older, interned for the guys who created THE HILLS and said to themselves one day as they were taking Lauren Conrad’s dog for a poop walk:
“Hey, what if I remade MELROSE PLACE but made it more like THE HILLS! That would be sooooo awesome!”
No, it ain’t.
Things start off with a blast from the past, Sydney (Laura Leighton) from MP Original is the landlady of the apartments now. Or I should say, was, because she’s face down in the swimming pool, deader than originality in TV programming, before the first commercial break. 
After that, I could have turned off the TV because that was the highpoint. Dr. Mancini’s still around and now he has a vapid kid who lives in the apartment complex and, I guess, is one of the main suspects in the “great” WHO KILLED SYDNEY…AGAIN storyline (out of all the folks who were on this show, why bring back somebody who was already killed off, only to kill them again? My head aches). There’s some weird flashback scene, one of the ladies is a “hey, look at me, I’m a attention lipstick lesbian whore”, another one of the ladies is involved in a INDECENT PROPOSAL situation (but since we’re in a recession, she’s only being offered five grand…it’s hard out there for a pimp) and I totally didn’t notice, no, recognize Ashlee Simpson until I saw this promo poster.
Ashlee's the one in red with the new face on...
What a clusterf*ck. I’m sure, as the season progress, other MP Original alumni will come back to their old apartment (because that’s what we all do, go back to our old apartments, right?) and I would pray that these storylines and these Rent-A-Center actors all get their acts together but I won’t be around to find out.
Next week, I will be watching Luke The Puke.
T. Troy Stewart
Big Ty
